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© creatocrat, 2012.
We’re working on convincing ourselves that none of this means anything. That the winter sets in the and sky gets dark, but that’s just the way it is. Two pairs of pants, three shirts, a coat, and a scarf, but that’s just how we dress now. I’m learning not to look up at the sky before I decide what my day is going to look like. I wake up at 6 AM and stumble into my gym clothes with my eyes still half-shut. Sit in front of those astoundingly bright lights and journal for thirty minutes. Eat breakfast and head out. As long as we don’t stop to think about it, we can go on just fine. I’m learning this.
There’s a peace to be found in the winter when we choose to go on without it. A nonchalance that can only be properly executed when you remind yourself that it doesn’t really matter what it’s doing outside, you’re going to keep doing what you do regardless. I’m working hard to remind myself that just because a behavior is habitual does not mean it is inevitable. The cold sets in and my stomach knots up wondering if this year will be worse than the last. If we’re going to survive until summer. I head in all anxious and defeated, attempting to fight it with every ounce of my being. But maybe that’s where the problem really is. I’m just so tired of fighting. I want to choose support instead.
I’m seeking out the things I need to feel like a fully functioning human being. Establishing patterns despite what I see through a window, despite the sheets of gray staring back at me. Learning that it’s okay to want to go to bed earlier when it is dark out. Leaning in to the idea of taking it just a little slower and spending more time in coffee shops or curled up on the couch. Realizing that one of the scariest things about this time of year is how it forces us all to slow down. It puts blinders on us and makes us examine our lives, ourselves. So maybe we should take a hint and do just that. Take a deep breath and remember that I have the skills to build the type of environment I want to live in despite the sun never showing up to visit.
No matter how much I fight against it, the winter always comes. So this year, maybe I will try to live with it. Share our space and remember that it is not one of my defining traits. It doesn’t mean anything, it’s just the weather.
Image may be NSFW.
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Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
